i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
