Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
