I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
