my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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