i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
