what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
