My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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