; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
