Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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