Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
