I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
