I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
