then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
