i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
