I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
