there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize