I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
