my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
