Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
