i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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