I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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