what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
