i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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