Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
