Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
