Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
