I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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