Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
