Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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