I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
