I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
