God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
