so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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