those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
