dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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