Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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