dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize