Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
