He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
