It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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