Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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