they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
