I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
