Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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