I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
