everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
