all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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