i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
