guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
