He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
