You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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