So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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