i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
