I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
