Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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