when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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