i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize