Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
