she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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