y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
