STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
