u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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