she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
