Im at strip club and am horny
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
