i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
