Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
